Archive | 10:09

L Is For ‘Lies’…Or Is It?

20 Jul
The Goon Show

The Goon Show (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The latest in my A to Z of The Laughing Housewife brings me to my habit of slight exaggeration.  I will post some statements about myself and you have to decide which ones are true and which are lies.

Some of you know more about me than newer readers who aren’t obsessed enough (sadly) to go back and read everything I’ve ever written so, if you know a statement is true, please don’t give it away by saying you know it for a fact.

To make it interesting, I will invite anyone who can name the exact number of truths and lies for interview on this blog.

  1. I once discussed unemployment with a Goon.
  2. My second toe on each foot is longer than my big toe.
  3. My name translated into Greek is Hyperbole.
  4. Despite being only 5′ small, I had a brief modelling career in my teens.
  5. I have been tear-gassed.
  6. My feet have grown by two sizes since I turned eighteen.
  7. I once accidentally used the word ‘drawer’ instead of ‘draw’ in a poem and I still blush about it.
  8. I used to have a gun licence and a driving licence.
  9. I have an A Level in Law.
  10. Several years ago I discovered that I am actually two inches taller than I thought I was.
  11. I once cooked Christmas dinner for twenty-two people.
  12. I am entitled to hold two passports.
  13. I have never voted Labour.
  14. The world première of my one-act play, Glug, was held at the Everyman Theatre, Liverpool.
  15. I once appeared on Channel 4’s now defunct Big Breakfast.
  16. As a teenager I seriously considered joining the Young Socialists.
  17. A poem of mine was turned into a work of art and displayed in an art gallery.
  18. I once appeared in a student film despite refusing to read from the script during the audition.
  19. The Hub once phoned me during an attempted coup so that I could hear the helicopter gunships flying overhead.
  20. I once took a bomb threat call at my place of work and caused a whole shopping mall to be evacuated in what turned out to be a hoax.

Joke 484

20 Jul

Viveka at My Guilty Pleasures let me use this one.  Thanks!

English: The Red-eyed Tree Frog (Litoria chlor...

English: The Red-eyed Tree Frog (Litoria chloris) found in eastern Australia. Français : Litoria chloris, une grenouille arboricole de l’est australien. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lena was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.  She went in to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”

She did and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more or better!”

Lena said, “That’s okay.”  For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and women will flock to him.”

Lena replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman, and he will only have eyes for me.”  So, KAZAM – she became the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.  The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be ten times richer than you.”

Lena said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”  So, KAZAM she became the richest woman in the world.

The frog asked her what she would like for her third wish.

She said, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”

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