Fifty Shades Of Grim

This is not a review because I haven’t read the book.  After Perfecting Motherhood‘s review, I don’t intend to:

This book is garbage, absolute garbage […] This book looks like it was written by a teenage girl who can’t write and has limited vocabulary. I have no idea how many times I read roll her eyes, smirked, muttered, mumbled, bit my lip, cocked his head, and so on, but I’m sure someone has kept a tally. The 22-year old female character is more naïve and gullible than a 12-year old. The 27-year old character is perfect: billionaire, the most beautiful man in the world, he speaks fluent French, and is working on solving world hunger. Pleeeeeaaaase. The sex scenes would have been the best part of the book if they hadn’t been so repetitive and laughable. Anastasia has orgasms by just hearing her name and have Christian look at her. Right. If you haven’t read this book but still want to, do it at your own risk. I bet any other book in that genre will be better than this one.

I have already been sucked into one badly written universe – Twilight, anyone? I love those books and movies, even though the books are badly written and Kristen Stewart has just one expression for all emotions:

Happy

Sad

Afraid

Everybody is allowed to love one stupid book and Twilight is mine; I don’t want to obsess over another.

It came as no surprise to me to learn that Fifty Shades of Grey arose from Twilight fan fiction:  a case of from bad to perverse.

According to The Telegraph Online (no slouch in the badly written sentence department; see for yourselves),

Sales of the novel on the Kindle reaching [sic] one million earlier this week, and Fifty Shades of Grey has broken print sales records too.

The first book in the trilogy has sold one million print copies in 11 weeks, beating The Da Vinci Code‘s previous record of sales of one million in 36 weeks.

The book is currently the 32nd bestselling book since records began in 1998.

But wait, there’s more:

The incredible success of EL James’s erotic novel is having an effect on the classical music industry.

After selling over one million copies on the Kindle and becoming the fastest print novel to sell one million copies, 50 Shades of Grey has also caused an increase in the sales of a piece of classical music.

The piece ‘Spem in alium’, sung by the Tallis Scholars is this week at number 7 in the official UK Classical Singles Chart.

So it’s not all bad; in fact, there is even a fortunate bonus: finally, America has learned how to spell ‘grey’ correctly.

HP Sauce (Photo credit: Tom BKK)

I leave the last word to Raymond Hodgson, 31, who was charged with common assault against his partner of five years (though both still live at home with their respective parents), Emma McCormick.  His solicitor told the court that Hodgson was enraged that his girlfriend was reading a book he felt was pornographic in nature, and they had an argument in person and by text, over two days:

“He went to her home at 7pm on June 26 and took with him a bottle of brown sauce.

She answered the door and the argument continued.

She went to close the door and he jammed his foot into the door, slapped her once in the face, and then squirted her with this bottle of sauce.” 

[…]

He said that he did what he did to Miss McCormick to show her what saucy really meant.

*

Related articles and sources

• 50 Shades of Grey prompts classical music piece to climb the charts (telegraph.co.uk)
• Man’s brown sauce attack over Fifty Shades of Grey (thesun.co.uk)
• http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/9389109/Boyfriend-squirted-partner-with-brown-sauce-when-she-refused-to-stop-reading-Fifty-Shades-of-Grey.html
• http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/booknews/9364738/Germany-to-rescue-for-Fifty-Shades-of-Grey.html
• http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/film-news/9390187/Fifty-Shades-of-Grey-to-be-made-into-film-by-The-Social-Network-team.html

Joke 475

Thanks to Charlie at Read Between The Minds for this one.

English: Birthplace of Sliced bread in Chillicothe, Missouri (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Philosophy of Ambiguity

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• Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
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• I went to a book shop and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’  She said, ‘If I tell you, that would defeat the object.’
• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• Cruel: putting an ‘s’ in the word ‘lisp’.
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• The nice thing about egotists – they don’t talk about other people.
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• What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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