Archive | 19:15

Thinking Of You

28 Aug

 

Hurricane Carlotta Stands Out in Earth View

Hurricane Carlotta Stands Out in Earth View (Photo credit: NASA Goddard Photo and Video)

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Two years and one day ago, I wrote this:

Thinking of my American readers today.  Stay safe.

Thankfully, you did. 

I can’t believe I have to say it again.

Stay safe, dear readers.

 

Joke 523

28 Aug

 

How Could You Do This To Me, Mum?

How Could You Do This To Me, Mum? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is from an email doing the rounds.  A group of primary school children were asked a series of questions.  Here are some of their answers.

Why did God make mothers?

1. She’s the only one who knows where the sellotape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mum?

1. We’re related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mums like me.

3. He must have been tired that day.

What kind of a little girl was your mum?

1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.

2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least 1 million a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mum marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mum eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that mum didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?

1. Mum doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such an idiot.

2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between mums and dads?

1. Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller and stronger, but mums have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.

4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mum do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don’t have spare time.

2. She pays bills all day long.

3. She reads the paper all day.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?

1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. Her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

3. I like her when she’s fat.

If you could change one thing about your mum, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.

2. I’d make my mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it, not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

 

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