Joke 710

3 Mar
Men are from Google, Women are from Yahoo!

Men are from Google, Women are from Yahoo! (Photo credit: inju)

Rules That Men Wished Women Knew

  • Don’t cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.
  • Birthdays, Valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present…again!
  • If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you  don’t want to hear.
  • Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
  • Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
  • Dogs are better than ANY cats.
  • Sunday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  • Shopping is not a sport.
  • Anything you wear is fine. Really.
  • You have enough clothes.
  • You have too many shoes.
  • Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
  • No, we don’t know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on  a calendar.
  • Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes.  What makes you think we’d  be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
  • Yes, No and Mmm are perfectly acceptable answers.
  • Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
  • Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All  comments become null and void after 7 days.
  • If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
  • Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
  • Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say  during commercials.
  • When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
  • If you want some dessert after a meal – order some. You don’t have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don’t say “No, I couldn’t/shouldn’t/don’t want any” and then eat half of mine.
  • If you’re on a diet it doesn’t mean my meals should be rabbit-food nouvelle-cuisine style. A man’s four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and more cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities – everything else falls under the category ‘garnish’.
  • Do not question our sense of direction.
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17 Responses to “Joke 710”

  1. jmgoyder March 3, 2013 at 04:09 #

    Brilliant!

    Like

  2. slpmartin March 3, 2013 at 04:10 #

    Ah…something from the male perspective…did the hub approve this list? 🙂

    Like

  3. terry1954 March 3, 2013 at 04:15 #

    those were so awesome!!!

    Like

  4. Katharine Trauger March 3, 2013 at 04:23 #

    HA! Mind if I copypaste this and send to my hubs?

    Like

  5. Kay's Musings March 3, 2013 at 07:59 #

    Usually if I want the dessert I order it and let Art finish it.

    Like

  6. Pseu March 3, 2013 at 11:47 #

    I’ll tell Cyclo he ought to think a dog better than a cat, but some how I don’t think I’ll change his mind….

    Like

  7. mairedubhtx March 3, 2013 at 14:23 #

    My second ex truly believed dogs were better than cats. He let me take the cat when he kicked me out, but not any of the dogs.

    Like

  8. Al March 3, 2013 at 14:30 #

    I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting these out there. It means so much more coming from a woman.

    Like

  9. keiththegreen March 3, 2013 at 21:25 #

    As Al above posted, thanks for giving this list from a lady’s blog. However you missed out the two sweetest words men like to hear from their lady, no it’s not I love you, that’s three words. A simple yes dear is what we always long to hear. 😛

    Like

  10. Dana March 3, 2013 at 21:33 #

    Ha! My husband would love to see this!

    Like

  11. robincoyle March 3, 2013 at 21:44 #

    This one is oddly sweet: Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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