Joke 744

6 Apr

One liners from comedian Steve Wright

  • My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
  • I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
  • Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  • There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
  • How does the guy who drives the snow plough get to work in the mornings?
  • Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
  • I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
  • I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
  • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
  • Why is abbreviation such a long word?
  • How did a fool and his money get together?
  • Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
  • What’s another word for thesaurus?*
  • Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
  • You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

From all over the internet.

*My interest was piqued by that one so I checked with thesaurus.com and the answer is:

  • glossary
  • language reference book
  • lexicon
  • onomasticon
  • reference book
  • sourcebook
  • storehouse of words
  • terminology
  • treasury of words
  • vocabulary
  • word list

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15 Responses to “Joke 744”

  1. Katharine Trauger April 6, 2013 at 04:16 #

    With Teflon, they have exactly that problem, that the pan won’t stick to it. For a long time they did not know how to solve it and I have scufffed pans to prove it! 🙂

    Like

  2. List of X April 6, 2013 at 04:42 #

    “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
    Everywhere.

    Like

  3. viv blake April 6, 2013 at 07:26 #

    Thank you for onomasticon – is that your obscure word for the day? And can I have it? Failing which, storehouse of words is a pretty good description. The jokes are good, too.

    Like

  4. colonialist April 6, 2013 at 09:36 #

    Onomasticon put a sail and go yachting?

    Like

  5. lenwilliamscarver April 6, 2013 at 10:54 #

    OMG ROFL !!! You are one wonderful soul!!!

    *MY GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!*

    Like

  6. Rorybore April 6, 2013 at 13:27 #

    he’s so great. kicking myself that I didn’t name my blog “treasury of words” 🙂

    Like

  7. mairedubhtx April 6, 2013 at 14:55 #

    I quite like “treasury of words.” It’s better than Thesaurus.

    Like

  8. viveka April 6, 2013 at 16:27 #

    I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.- that is me … and poem in a nutshell. Great … *smile

    Like

  9. slpmartin April 6, 2013 at 18:04 #

    Really enjoyed the video…haven’t seen him in years.

    Like

  10. terry1954 April 7, 2013 at 04:35 #

    I say this all the time to myself
    You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

    Like

  11. Grannymar April 7, 2013 at 22:05 #

    Everywhere is full, so I don’t have room for any more everythings! 😉

    Like

  12. Three Well Beings April 8, 2013 at 05:28 #

    I think Steven Wright is hilarious! I am glad to know you find him funny, too! 🙂

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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