Joke 964

12 Nov

All right, thou yeasty dog-hearted foot-lickers, time for some intellectual jokes!

Calcium has a posse.

Calcium has a posse. (Photo credit: fatllama)

*

Two atoms were walking down the street.  One atom says to the other, “I’ve lost an electron!”

The second atom asks, “Are you sure?”

The first atom replies, “I’m positive.”

*

Q: What is the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
A: An etymologist would know the difference

*

This one isn’t really a joke but I like it so much, I have to share it.  Do me a favour and insult me in the Shakespearean style in the comments.  And go heavy on the alliteration, if you like: I rather fancy myself as a pribbling plume-plucked pumpion.

THE OFFICIAL DO-IT YOURSELF SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT 

To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with ‘Thou’: 

Column 1. |. Column 2. |. Column 3 

artless. |. base-court. |. apple-john 
beslubbering. |. beef-witted. |. barnacle 
bootless. |. beetle-headed. |. bladder 
churlish. |. boil-brained. |. boar-pig 
clouted. |. clay-brained. |. bum-bailey 
craven. |. common-kissing. |. canker-blossom 
dankish. |. dizzy-eyed. |. coxcomb 
droning. |. doghearted. |. codpiece 
fobbing. |. elf-skinned. |. flap-dragon 
gleeking. |. flap-mouthed. |. foot-licker 
goatish. |. fly-bitten. |. fustilarian 
impertinent. |. fool-born. |. gudgeon 
jarring. |. guts-griping. |. harpy 
loggerheaded. |. half-faced. |. hedge-pig 
mammering. |. hedge-born. |. hugger-mugger 
mewling. |. idle-headed. |. lewdster 
pribbling. |. ill-nurtured. |. maggot-pie 
puking. |. knotty-pated. |. malt-worm 
puny. |. milk-livered. |. mammet 
qualling. |. motley-minded. |. measle 
rank. |. onion-eyed. |. minnow 
reeky. |. plume-plucked. |. miscreant 
roguish. |. pottle-deep. |. moldwarp 
ruttish. |. pox-marked. |. mumble-news 
surly. |. rump-fed. |. puttock 
tottering. |. shard-borne. |. pumpion 
unmuzzled. |. sheep-biting. |. ratsbane 
venomed. |. swag-bellied. |. skainsmate 
villainous. |. tardy-gaited. |. strumpet 
weedy. |. unchin-snouted. |. whey-face 
yeasty. |. weather-bitten. |. Wagtail

*

source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Intellectual#ixzz2kNLuQjhJ

 

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24 Responses to “Joke 964”

  1. Indira November 12, 2013 at 05:33 #

    Funny. Where did you get this ‘SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT ‘ is it your imagination, very handy. You do a good job , making others laugh. Thanks.

    Like

    Reply
    • The Laughing Housewife November 12, 2013 at 22:34 #

      Thank you 🙂

      The source for jokes is always cited; just check the bottom of the post.

      But how I find them is: 1) Think of a topic. 2) Google it. 🙂

      Like

      Reply
  2. http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com November 12, 2013 at 08:47 #

    Thou beslubbering knotty-pated flap-dragon of a puttock: Thy unmuzzled malt-worms are claybrained.

    Now may I have a Malteser?

    Like

    Reply
  3. lanceleuven November 12, 2013 at 10:21 #

    Wow, that Shakespeare fella certainly knew how to tear someone down to size! It’s a shame he never got to flex his skills in a modern rap battle.

    You loggerheaded elf-skinnned bum-bailey! 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  4. Pseu November 12, 2013 at 11:33 #

    You milk-livered, liver-bitten old haggard.

    Like

    Reply
  5. colonialist November 12, 2013 at 12:31 #

    Thou grogging slop-spittled puddlesluggard!
    One doesn’t even need the words: simply adopt the style and invent your own!

    Like

    Reply
  6. SchmidleysScribbling November 12, 2013 at 18:12 #

    How about a yeasty, dog-hearted miscreant?

    Like

    Reply
  7. SchmidleysScribbling November 12, 2013 at 18:17 #

    Or a “rank hedge-born harpy,” perhaps?

    Like

    Reply
  8. benzeknees November 12, 2013 at 18:40 #

    No time for comments you villainous. |. tardy-gaited. |. strumpet! Back to NaNoWriMo for me!

    Like

    Reply
  9. sharechair November 13, 2013 at 03:23 #

    I just can’t do it. Not even in Shakespeare-eze.

    Like

    Reply
  10. Janie Jones November 13, 2013 at 13:36 #

    What brilliant lunacy doth thou offer me, my fustilarian friend! Verily thou art a gleeking, pottle-deep moldwarp! And yet, what is in a name? That which we call a Malteser by any other name would taste as sweet. So Tilly Bud, were she not a moldwarp call’d would retain that gleeking pottle-deep perfection she owns without that title.

    Now, if only I knew what I just called you…. I fear a plague is about to be cursed upon my house…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  11. Grannymar November 13, 2013 at 18:18 #

    I’ll leave it to Al!

    Like

    Reply

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.