Oops! And Other Things

22 Sep

A Letter From The Editor

Dear Subscribers,

Today you have received two Joke 182 emails.  This is not due to a technical hitch or over-enthusiasm on the part of WordPress or because the moon is in the seventh house.

It is because I am a dopey mare.  I forgot to check my scheduled posts last night before preparing today’s joke. 

You may also have received two other posts from my drafts.  Please ignore.  I have had four hours’ sleep and my brain has forgotten how to operate a blog.  [I had just typed that last sentence when I noticed a new email had come in; it is from Pun of the Day and I swear this is the actual joke: Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.]

Apologies for two jokes; apologies for two posts sent in error; apologies that this is the fifth email you have received from me today; apologies that for some of you, it’s more.

The Management take such matters seriously so be assured I will punish myself by…took me a while to think of something, I nodded off; but here it is – and it’s about as painful a punishment as I’ll ever get:

I will post this post with all errors still in place.  No proofreading.  No editing.  No checking for mistakes three times, go to the toilet, three times more.

I don’t think punishments come harsher than that, do you?

Yours truly,

Dopey Mare.

*

What’s In A Name?  Mother Is Not Impressed

Last week a number of you voted on Tory Boy’s new name, having first suggested them all.  From this I learned:

  • My readers do not always have the courage of their convictions - eight of the suggested names received no votes, not even from their suggesters.
  • You like polls.  No one voted for Another poll? Do you think I have time to waste reading all the options? I could be slumped in front of the tv.
  • 23% of you dislike change.  Wait until your purse is permanently empty and then tell me you dislike it: there is no sight so beautiful as a handful of coppers when you’re nine pence short of the price of milk.
  • My son is an idiot.

It was Tory Boy who suggested a name change in the first place.  It was Tory Boy who suggested asking my readers to come up with his new name.  It was Tory Boy who voted for Tory Boy.

More apologies, therefore, for wasting your time with a redundant poll: Tory Boy remains Tory Boy.  My new name is Rollinmyeyesindespair.

*

The Sky Is Falling!  The Sky Is Falling!

A satellite is due to fall on our heads tomorrow.  Time to buy a hat.  Or 26 hats, to be precise: according to The Huffington Post:

An estimated 26 pieces – representing 1,200 pounds – are expected to survive.

But don’t worry:

re-entry will occur over the Pacific late Friday afternoon, Eastern Time. But that’s give or take 14 hours.

I’m no scientist, or even good at maths, but isn’t fourteen hours more than enough time to cross the Pacific in a rowing boat, never mind a whacking great chunk of metal hurtling through gravity?

Maybe a bowler hat?

*

I Did Not Have Punctual Relations With That Exclamation Mark…Semi-Colon

I tried; I really did.  But the addiction has gone too deep with me: I confess…I proofed this post; and then I proofed it some more.  I guess I’ll have to give up Maltesers for the day instead.

Don’t be impressed; it won’t be that difficult: I don’t have any in the house at the moment.

Looks like I can’t give up honesty, either.

On a related point, thank you to everyone who told me to ignore that spam fiend, Helen Keller.  I appreciate the support, I really do.  Now I have to go back to Writing School to re-take the Make It Absolutely Clear Your Tongue Is Firmly In Your Cheek class that I failed last year.

I have the best readers in the blogosphere.

*

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30 Responses to “Oops! And Other Things”

  1. sarsm September 22, 2011 at 11:03 #

    Four hours sleep – hopefully not due to migraines again.

    I’m really off today too. Must be something in the air. Could it be the fault of that satellite?

    • Tilly Bud September 22, 2011 at 11:09 #

      I think you’ve hit the nail on the head!

      No migraine, thank goodness. Thanks for asking :)

  2. Cindy September 22, 2011 at 11:44 #

    My sympathy in the lack of sleep, I had hardly any …

    • Tilly Bud September 24, 2011 at 11:15 #

      Poor Cindy. Hope you’ve caught up now?

  3. vivenne blake September 22, 2011 at 11:46 #

    Why do I never get any Maltesers? Can’t think of owt else to say after emailing and skyping you incessantly today.

    • Tilly Bud September 24, 2011 at 11:16 #

      NOBODY gets any Maltesers. That’s a scurrilous rumour. I’ll have to blog about it, to clear up the misconception.
      :)

  4. misswhiplash September 22, 2011 at 13:32 #

    The final sentence was definitely true…you have me! and her, and him…….

    With or without Maltesers…..

  5. mairedubhtx September 22, 2011 at 13:56 #

    About all those posts–all is forgiven.

  6. slpmartin September 22, 2011 at 15:51 #

    I slept enough for you and Cindy so you should feel quite rested…well at least I do. ;-)

  7. Sara no "H" September 22, 2011 at 16:06 #

    I think we are most special when we are going through the delirious no sleep stage. :)

    • Tilly Bud September 24, 2011 at 11:19 #

      Well that’s one way of looking at it…not sure my family would call me ‘special; at the moment. ‘Horrible’, ‘mean’, ‘repulsive’, yes. ‘Special’…not so much :)

  8. kiwidutch September 22, 2011 at 17:47 #

    Tilly, I’ve done flights from Auckland NZ to Los Angeles USA or visa versa that all took roughly 12 hours each. (never underestimate the size of the Pacific Ocean)
    If a row boat can also do it in 14 hours, then that’s the first jet propelled row boat I’ve ever heard about LOL.
    (Kiwi ducking and hiding before you find a bit of satellite to hit me with).

    • Tilly Bud September 24, 2011 at 11:20 #

      Someone always calls me on my hyperbole :)

  9. SidevieW September 22, 2011 at 18:10 #

    was that really all ONE post? phew! but then you went beserk and proof-read it !

    now you have to give up Maltestes- the world could end!

    • Tilly Bud September 24, 2011 at 11:22 #

      At last: someone who sees just how serious the situation is.

  10. Grace September 22, 2011 at 18:29 #

    Well Tilly, I’m really improving my english with you, I have discover new names on my dictionnary. Actually I’ll check the link of your last topic to understand the purpose.

    Take care

    Grace

  11. kateshrewsday September 22, 2011 at 22:28 #

    It’s never dull here, Tilly :-)

  12. Pseu September 22, 2011 at 23:01 #

    OK so no compliments – so I won’t tell you what I had planned to say.. but, and this is a big BUT, I never had ‘Malteser Privileges’ at any point, so how can you revoke them? Hmmm? Answer that one.

    • Tilly Bud September 24, 2011 at 11:23 #

      You are allowed to mention them, aren’t you? Privilege enough.

  13. rumpydog September 23, 2011 at 02:24 #

    I am personally hoping that satellite strategically lands in such a place as to convince some un-named politicians that it is a sign from God. If nothing else, at least we won’t have to keep listening to the current BS and get a different sound bite.

  14. Janie Jones September 23, 2011 at 12:40 #

    No need to apologize for extra laughs!

  15. Lorna's Voice September 23, 2011 at 13:49 #

    Tilly, give yourself a break. You’re one funny lady–sleep-deprived or not!

  16. Gobetween September 24, 2011 at 11:00 #

    No maltesers for you! Such sloppiness!

    • Tilly Bud September 24, 2011 at 11:25 #

      Gasp! That’s a wicked thing to say to a gibbering wreck of a sleep-deprived woman.
      :)

  17. ElizOF September 26, 2011 at 09:27 #

    Stuff happens and I just ignored the duplicate… No big deal… As per Tory Boy’s name, now that is a riot that he actually voted for the same name… Oy vey!
    Finally catching up again… where did the time go? Phew! :-)

All comments are welcome, though compliments may result in you having your Malteser privileges revoked

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