Ten Hose Wife And The Toilet Blob

Image by R. Alton via Flickr

We haven’t had searches that found my blog for a while.  Enjoy.

I Don’t Know Anything, Honest:

• hotshot bald cop (159 searches in the past month alone)
• what happened to gaddafi (68 – seems more people are interested in Ed Lauter than the former Libyan dictator.  Go figure)  My favourite search, however, is this one: where is gaddafi actually.  That last word makes it clear that it’s a secret just between the searcher and the internet
• batcave entrance

I Wouldn’t Mind Knowing These, Though

• hot rugby player
• need easy instructions on how to write in publice service announcement
• marriage expiration date
• what do i get for $85 toilet paper

What Are These People Eating That They Can See It?

• funny pictures of people farting

I’m Saying Nothing

• arts degree jokes
• housewife don’t do houseworks
• the laughing housewide

That Explains A Lot

• dinosaurs miss noah ark
• socks in heaven
• dementia wallasey (Wallasey is a town near Liverpool; I lived there for three years)
• what marriage means to a woman joke time

Is There Any Other Kind?

• fat ugly poo
• funny septic trucks

Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

• christmas is comming

Tell Him Something He Doesn’t Know

• laughing turkey

Consider Me Baffled Of Stockport

• toilet blob
• ten hose wife
• hamster x rated
• false facts about laughing
• clock eating cartoon
• shakespeare farting
• its fun to be a housewife

If This Is About Me, I’m Annoyed That You Think I Might Be Sick

• fat sick fail poet wife

You’re In The Wrong Place

• woman looking for dirt in house
• hard working housewife

Related articles

• Woman Injured by Exploding Toilet [Accidents] (gawker.com)
• Toilet Paper Printer of the Day (geeks.thedailywh.at)

The Elephant In The Blog

I was going to start this post with Sally Field’s famous Oscar speech, You like me!  You really like me!  But it turns out she didn’t say that at all.  Searching for a picture, I came across this blog, and the author tells us what Sally actually said was,

I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me

Which is a better fit for what’s been happening this last week or so to The Laughing Housewife.  By the way, I’m not speaking of myself in the third person: The Laughing Housewife  laughs all the time, is in a permanently good mood and is never short of blogging topics; The Laughing Housewife author is crabby, headachy and usually scrabbling around for something to write about.

It’s The Laughing Housewife you like, and you’ve been saying so quite a bit; recently I have received:

• Two Liebster Awards
• Nomination For Fours
• Tagging For Fives
• At least seven Versatile Blogger Awards

I’m not using my usual hyperbole with that last one, I promise; I think it might actually be more, but (I blush to admit it) I lost count.

First and foremost, I have to say this – loud – to you all:

I AM TRULY GRATEFUL FOR THESE AWARDS AND NOMINATIONS.

I am.  To receive an award from a fellow blogger is – apologies for the word; I assure you this is also not hyperbole – an honour. An award says, ‘I like your blog enough to write about it; to link to it and encourage others to visit you.’ That’s a nice thing to do; I’m grateful.  It is lovely to know that you enjoy my blog enough to want to share it.

Here’s where the elephant comes in: I received the nominations; I sweetly thanked the nominators, and did nothing: no four-five-seven things about me; no nominating others; no adding the widget. I did that once, the first time I received an award. I was new to blogging and didn’t realise it was, effectively, chain mail. When I tried to pass it on, everyone declined. Not one person wanted it. I thought about that; I realised it was chain mail; I resolved to never again be so taken in by a widget in a fancy dress.

You have gifted me with these awards, then, and I have done nothing.  Blogging is of the moment: people quickly move on (you like me right now; I’m not in danger of forgetting that you might not like me tomorrow); I had hoped that those who passed on the awards would forget that they had nominated me and not be offended if I did not respond.  But you haven’t been allowed to: awards have flown in like Maltesers under the tree on Christmas morning.  To continue to say nothing has become embarrassing.  So, once again, let me tell me how much I appreciate these awards.  And what I have against them.

They are chain letters. I hate chain letters. Chain letters frighten people with their threats that bad things will happen if they are not sent on.   People feel obliged to pass on these awards, and are afraid to offend the givers. 

If you receive a real chain letter in  your inbox, I urge you to send it to me if you are frightened, and I will do the electronic equivalent of burning it: that’s what the trash bin is for. I’ve always trashed them and nothing bad has happened to me, if I discount the Hub’s ill health, unemployment, homelessness, four dead parents…erm…um…

And did you ever hear of anyone suddenly coming in to £20,000 after obeying their dastardly instructions?  Me neither.  Of course, nothing bad will happen if I don’t pass on these awards, if I don’t include offending the kind bloggers who sent them to me in the first place; but I can’t see one without thinking ‘Arrgh!  Chain mail!’

So, in case I haven’t mentioned it, thank you for the award, I really do appreciate the thought; but I’m afraid I think too much of you all to pass it on: I prefer to highlight your blogs in posts as they naturally occur.  I guess you’ll have to consider this one of my seven things you didn’t know about me, alongside the fact that I can’t blow my nose without taking off my glasses first; or in public: too many people; too much snot.

Postscript: I forgot to address the issue of my own CoWAbunger Award.  Let me make it plain that that award is just a bit of fun, to highlight funny and interesting comments that readers might have missed.  I will never ask you to pass it on.

Related articles

• Last Night I Dreamt I Was Sally Field (nineteenfortyeight.wordpress.com)
• What is the Versatile Blogger Award? (versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com)

Joke 189

Government Philosophy:

If it ain’t broke, fix it ’til it is.