A CoWAbunger That It Physically Hurts Me To Award

The worthy winner this week – not least because she has commented in recent times almost twice as much as her nearest rival and she’s worn me out – is Pseu.

The two comments that won her the award are:

From Joke 179:

Turn me around three tmes and I’m lost. Why hadn’t I thought of using the Cat Navigation?

She continued the joke on Of This That ‘n’ T’other:

This snake is quite obviously lost. Could you lend it the cat nav?

She managed to keep the Cat Nav running joke going through several posts over several days, I think.  I’d find them for you but I’m going out.

She did lose an ‘i’ (and she might lose another before the ceremony is over), but Pseu is a blogger’s dream commenter: She write good.  She funny.  She do my research.  She find You Tube videos.  She should be writing this blog instead of me (without the Maltesers, of course).

In recognition of that, she is not going to receive an ordinary CoWAbunger Award, oh no!  She will receive… she will receive…she will.  She will.  You can do it, Tilly; just grit your teeth and spit it out.  PseuwillreceivetheCoWAbungerMalteserAwardforServicestoThisBlog’sComments
Section:

well done Pseu yadda yadda yadda whatever turn off the light on your way out

I’ve Been Re-possessed

As regular reader knows, from time to time I vacate The Laughing Housewife premises to let a real writer talk about their new book.  Today it is the turn of…

…Musician, Nemo James:

Born and based in England, Nemo James worked as a professional musician and singer/songwriter for more than 30 years. He now lives in Croatia with his wife Federika and their cat Jutko, who is becoming intolerable following his rise to fame on Youtube.

The book: Just A Few Seconds.

The story of one man’s experience in the music business. It is an amusing and true story of a successful freelance musician whose gigs ranged from private parties, to the rich and famous, to the roughest London pubs, where playing the wrong song at the wrong time meant the difference between life and death. He takes more twists, turns and knocks than a mouse trapped in a pinball machine.  The ending shows how the road to success can lead us down the strangest and most desolate of paths.

If you are looking for the usual rock star memoirs full of sex, drugs and rock and roll, then this book is not for you; if you are interested in a unique insight into the music business that reads like a thriller, then this book won’t disappoint.

Cooking Tips from Nemo James

Since the publication of my book Just A Few Seconds, several people have emailed me to ask whether my cooking has improved since the chapter entitled A Recipe For Shoestrings. In it, I wrote how during a very difficult time in my life, I was living on a budget of £1 a day for food. Some people are able to do wonders with £1 spent wisely on ingredients but I am definitely not one of them. I was not only on a shoestring budget, my meals actually tasted like shoestrings.

Then I met and married Federika who, apart from being amazing and gorgeous, is also a fantastic cook specialising in dishes from all corners of the globe, but particularly from Peru, where she grew up. I am never going to win any awards for my cooking but she has taught me a lot and in particular shared that secret that all you crafty cooks have been keeping to yourselves all these years: The Kitchen Timer. 

Until I discovered the kitchen timer I used to use a smoke alarm to tell me when my food was cooked. In a terraced house in the UK it was not a problem as I would always put the smoke alarm within easy reach so I could turn it off quickly. But one day, while I was living in Los Angeles, I was heating up a lovely chocolate muffin for my breakfast when the phone rang with a call from a prospective agent. I completely forgot about the muffin until the smoke alarm went off but, being accustomed to this event, I continued talking to the agent whilst removing the muffin from the oven and jumping up and down on a chair, trying to blow cold air onto the alarm. As most of the buildings in L.A. are made of wood everyone is paranoid about fire so just as I thought I had everything under control and had the agent interested the building manager started banging on my door and screaming at me to let him in. I never realised cooking could be so difficult.

Here are a few more tips that I have discovered that I would like to pass on:

• Using an apron means that cooking doesn’t always require a change of clothes.
• The oil you use for cooking is different to the type you use in your car.
• Oven gloves save a lot of pain.
• Keeping the kitchen floor clean from grease means you don’t have to wear a crash helmet while you cook.
• When breaking an egg it is better to use the edge of a knife than a hammer.
• A baguette is not a small shopping bag.
• You don’t get black eyed beans by punching normal beans.
• You can’t make white sugar go brown by leaving it in the sun all day.
• Crab apple is not a seafood.
• Hitting a halibut with a hammer doesn’t make it a flatfish.
• You can’t scald pasta by telling it off.
• Molasses are not moles’ bottoms.
• Strong currants in Muesli are not dangerous.
• There is no such thing as Semolina poisoning.
• If you are running short of Tofu for that special dinner party, try adding half a litre of water to a roll of toilet paper and blend in with one large packet of wallpaper paste. No one will ever know the difference.

If you have a cooking tip you would like to share with others please leave them in the comments.

For reviews and other information visit Pump Up Your Book.

Nemo James’ website and blog.

Nemo James’  You Tube videos.

Related articles

• Working Smoke Alarms Save Lives – Install, Inspect, Protect (kannapolis.wordpress.com)

Joke 186

Thanks to Granny1947 for this one.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death.