Archive | 20:52

Explanations Are In Order, Comrades

6 Sep

It seems that you all don’t think like I think, so here’s an explanation of this morning’s post:

Wheel: a round thing beloved of cavemen.

Horse: around.  Thing beloved of cavemen and women.

Communists: angry people who live together; either all employed (Soviet) or all unemployed (hippies).

Romanovs: murdered Russians related to Prince Philip.

1917: Russian Revolution and Julie Christie rocking a fur hat.

1989: demise of Communism and die-hard (John McCleansky) Communists (hated oligarchs hoarding all the money), making way for rise of Russian Mafia (hated oligarchs hoarding all the money).

Mandy Rice-Davies: slept with Communist and cabinet minister (not at the same time: she is British, after all), bringing down the British government in 1963 (the year I was born.  Coincidence…?).  Famous for:

While giving evidence at the trial of Stephen Ward, charged with living off the immoral earnings of Keeler and Rice-Davies, the latter made a famous riposte. When the prosecuting counsel pointed out that Lord Astor denied an affair or having even met her, she replied, “Well, he would, wouldn’t he?” (often misquoted as “Well he would say that, wouldn’t he?”).[By 1979 this phrase had entered the third edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations.    From Wikipedia

November: eleventh month; less popular than October, which is why the Communists chose it (or not; can’t remember which way round it goes) over November for their revolution.  Ask their calendar, if the Mafia haven’t stolen them all.

Voice off: Robin, of Batman and.

The hood: as in Robin, famous communist of Nottingham fame.  Loves Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and blows in his ear/as in neighbourhood.

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Hope that clears everything up for you!

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Is Revolution Always Good?

6 Sep

Let’s ask the Wheel.

TLH: Wheel, is revolution always good?

Wheel: Yes.

So there you have it, folks; straight from the horse’s replacement’s mouth: revolution is good.

Now let’s ask the Horse.

TLH: Horse, is revolution always good?

Horse: No.

So there you have it folks, straight from the Horse’s mouth: revolution is not always good.

There are a few more interest groups we could ask:

TLH: Communists, is revolution always good?

Communists: Yes.

Communists: No.

TLH: Why the confusion?

Communists: Depends if it’s 1917 or 1989.

Romanovs: We’re against it on principle.

TLH: Well you would say that, wouldn’t you?

Romanovs: Are you channelling Mandy Rice-Davies now?

TLH: I have to steal the funny from somewhere.

Romanovs: Oi!  Wheel!  Horse! Communists, old and new!  Down with the fascist Dictator Housewife!  Steals from the funny and foists her own lame version onto her unsuspecting readers!

November: What’s so great about October anyway?

Lots of noise, cartoon biffs! and bams!, sound of explosions.

Voice off: Holy blog implosion, Batman!

Wheel: Where did he come from?

TLH: The hood. [It might take you a moment to get that one]

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Dear Readers, this blog has been temporarily suspended until The Laughing Housewife loses the silly.

We apologise for any disruption to your funny bone.

&

Joke 166

6 Sep

Some house cleaning thoughts for you:

  1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
  2. Keep the house clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
  3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.
  4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
  5. If it walks out of your refrigerator, let it go…if it comes back to you, it’s yours; if it doesn’t, well, thank goodness for that.
  6. Only clean the bits you can see.
  7. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
  8. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
  9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
  10. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  11. I’m not going to vacuum until James Dyson invents one you can ride on.
  12. Take a tip from Zsa Zsa Gabor who once said, ‘I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.’
  13. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, ‘What? And spoil the mood?’
  14. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.
  15. If your dust really is out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, ‘THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes….’

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