Let Snoring Dogs Lie

24 May
English: Road north from Little Snoring to Gre...

English: Road north from Little Snoring to Great Snoring (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m off to see the Ear, Nose & Throat doctor this afternoon, about my snoring.  I have begun to suspect that all of this bad weather is caused by my sucking in the sun every time I inhale in my sleep.

Yes, I am that bad.

*

If you are wondering where Patrecia, Miss Whiplash, she who was always thinking about things, has gone to, it’s to a new blog, God’s Creatures, about animals.

She forgot to tell you what she was doing before she deleted her old blog.

I bet she snores; it’s hard to remember things when your head is aching from sleep-sniffing the entire contents of your bedroom.

Patrecia writes about animals, including her dogs.  

Did you know that the calculation of 7 human years for every 1 dog year is incorrect?  And did you like my smooth segue from one topic to another without the use of an asterisk?  I should be on TV.

According to BBC News, it works like this:

For first two years:

  • 12.5 years per human year for the first two years for small dogs
  • 10.5 years per human year for the first two years for medium-sized dogs
  • 9 years per human year for the first two years forlarge dogs

For years 3+:

  • Small: Dachshund (Miniature) 4.32, Border Terrier 4.47, Lhasa Apso 4.49, Shih Tzu 4.78, Whippet Medium 5.30, Chihuahua 4.87, West Highland White Terrier 4.96, Beagle 5.20, Miniature Schnauzer 5.46, Spaniel (Cocker) 5.55, Cavalier King Charles 5.77, Pug 5.95, French Bulldog 7.65
  • Medium: Spaniel 5.46, Retriever (Labrador) 5.74, Golden Retriever 5.74, Staffordshire Bull Terrier 5.33, Bulldog 13.42
  • Large: German Shepherd 7.84, Boxer 8.90
The Village sign, Little Snoring, Norfolk

The Village sign, Little Snoring, Norfolk (Photo credit: Wikipedia) I can only dream…

Time for my favourite-ever joke (from the film, Dumb & Dumber):

What do you get if you cross a Shih Tsu with a Bulldog?  

A Bullshit.

*

Despite the funniest joke in the world, I think I’m in a bad mood. My head aches: my dog woke me an hour early for his breakfast, and wouldn’t take ‘no’ (or ‘Get lost, you horrible dog!’) for an answer.  You’d think at age 39.34 he’d be able to fix his own breakfast.

He’ll be wanting me to run his shower for him next.

*

I think I’m mostly in a bad mood because a popcorn machine arrived this morning.  

Do you like a lot of salt on your Hub?

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27 Responses to “Let Snoring Dogs Lie”

  1. viv blake May 24, 2013 at 10:47 #

    Please don’t give him salt: he doesn’t want arteries clogged up like mine! And nor do you.

    Like

  2. viveka May 24, 2013 at 11:11 #

    Mad as a cow …. and as Viv say … forget the salt really, but who wants to eat popcorn without salt. Not me. !!!!

    Like

  3. laurieanichols May 24, 2013 at 12:20 #

    You’re still so funny even when you’re grumpy.:) That is a true gift. I’m glad that you are going to get your snoring checked out, sleep is one of the most important things that we do as humans. I am sure that the Hub is very excited for your visit as well. Skip the salt and use various spices it is much healthier, Viv is right. 🙂

    Like

  4. Al May 24, 2013 at 12:46 #

    How long do I lose Maltesers privileges for a first offense? Anyway, here goes…….
    What an amazing ability you have to turn the mundane into the hilarious!

    Like

  5. SchmidleysScribbling May 24, 2013 at 13:46 #

    My hub…David gets popcorn and other assorted bits of food all over his car. I wonder why he doesn’t have ants?

    As for sleeping dogs, I let them lie. Every morning, I tell David, ‘Don’t bother the dog’ meaning our little girl dog. He does, he gets bitten, and then he wonders why. She is pretty cross when she wakes up and she snores. Do you have a dog who snores? Dianne

    Like

  6. mairedubhtx May 24, 2013 at 13:51 #

    The dog years thing is a bit too complicated for me to figure out. And you didn’t list my dogs’ breed so I had to guess from their size (they are sort of like a Shih Tsu but not exactly). It made my head hurt.

    Like

  7. Janie Jones May 24, 2013 at 14:00 #

    I will never know how old Rupert is, he came from a shelter. But, he loves popcorn, and doesn’t snore so much as oink in his sleep.

    Sorry about your headache. Maybe it’s from working so hard on that segue.

    Like

  8. vastlycurious.com May 24, 2013 at 16:55 #

    Yesterday whilst taking a nap sitting up on the sofa I woke myself up with my snoring…YEP, I have denied it in the past …it’s true :((

    Quite the timing for your stats on dog vs human years. We are sadly putting down our 16 year old 2.5 lb Yorkie on Tuesday. He is 100% blind and deaf and can no longer hold his urine, etc. We saw it coming but the time has arrived. A sad day it will be.

    Like

  9. Hattie May 24, 2013 at 17:14 #

    Off the top of my non-specialist head: spring allergies!

    Like

  10. colonialist May 24, 2013 at 18:23 #

    The UK place names manage to exceed the wildest flights of fancy of comedians – talking of flights, that is a very miitaristic cropsprayer?
    One needs a spreadsheet to work out those dog ages.
    This blog deletion thing makes me shudder. It would be like cutting off an arm.

    Like

  11. slpmartin May 24, 2013 at 20:45 #

    Hmm…didn’t know that about calculation of dog-to-human years.

    Like

  12. sharechair May 24, 2013 at 20:48 #

    popcorn machine?

    Like

  13. Elaine - I used to be indecisive May 24, 2013 at 22:08 #

    I’ve tried to work out the dog years thing, but now my head hurts! It was so much simpler when we just multiplied human years by 7. 😦

    Like

  14. Rorybore May 25, 2013 at 03:09 #

    My popcorn must have lots of salt.
    it’s the only way to justify the number of Coke I am going to drink to quench my thirst.
    ok fine, beers.
    My dad snores so loud he wakes himself up. jumps right up out of bed and yells “what was that!?” Um you. Also….last time I go to the movies with you dad.

    Like

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Nicola Hulme Author

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