The Beginning Of The Enderverse

Regular readers of this blog know, having been told over and over (and assuming that they were paying attention), that Ender’s Game by Scorson Ott card…let me re-type that, I’m so excited!…by Orson Scott Card, is my Desert Island Book. Assuming, that is, that they give you a book on top of the Bible and The Complete Works of Shakespeare.  If not, I might have to take it as my luxury item instead of the giant vat of Vaseline I had set my heart upon.

Vaseline is fabulous:

• Lubricant: to grease rusted screws from washed-up airplane parts that I can turn into three-storey homes and life rafts
• Skin softener: to protect me from the harsh elements
• Lip salve: Vaseline’s most vital function in my own universe: have you ever tried smiling at strangers when your lips are cracked?  Don’t.  It frightens them
• Frying grease: I’ll need all my fat stores, obviously, because I can’t hunt or grow vegetables.  My best hope will be to eat suicidal sharks.  I’ve eaten shark.  It tastes fishy.  But I don’t do sushi, hence the Vaseline.  Fat stores are the reason I don’t diet – in case of desert island castawaying.  I find a good precaution is never wasted
• Sore sealant: it’s what they put on boxers’ cuts to stop the blood obscuring their vision as they pound each other to pulp.  Which brings me back to Ender’s Game:

My beloved eldest son (this month’s favourite child as a result of what I’m about to tell you) sent me a link yesterday: the film of the book is FINALLY made!

The book was written in 1985 and is beloved around the world, but various attempts to film it were defeated because the Battle Room was just too difficult to turn into hard copy.

Thankfully, CGI is now so sophisticated, the dream has become reality. Imaginary reality, of course, but you get my drift.  Remember – the enemy’s gate is down!

I’m sure it won’t be the only book in the series to be filmed, but I do hope they go the Bean route rather than the Ender route.

You don’t know what I’m talking about, but I don’t care: I’m happy in my own little world.  Unlike poor Ender, a lonely child soldier.

Dystopian futures – I love ’em.  Ho!

 

 

Joke 778

A bloke walks into a parts store.  He says, ‘I need a petrol cap for a Kia.’

‘Okay,’ says the salesman, ‘it sounds like a fair swap.’

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A car jumper cable walks into a bar.  The barman says, ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.’

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A glue tanker on the motorway has shed its load. Drivers are advised to stick to the inside lane.

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I wouldn’t say my car is old, but it’s insured against fire, theft and Vikings.

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I’ve figured out how to avoid getting parking tickets. I’ve taken the windscreen wipers off my car.

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Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and can’t stand in the driver ahead of you.

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The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

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The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

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From manwalksintoajoke.com