Archive | 11:55

101/1001 (Week 112)

18 May

Did something I’ve never done before

I meant to write this post yesterday but the P Diddy/Downton thing was more fun.  By the way, if you can’t see the video, just Google/You Tube it.  It’s worth a watch.

It has been three months since my last update of 101 tasks in 1001 days.  I haven’t done much, apart from the aforementioned thing I’ve never done before, though I did complete three tasks:

Make thirty submissions to competitions or publishers (31/30)

I was a runner-up in the last competition I entered, and the poem will be coming out with others in an e-book.  I’ll be sure to let you know when that happens.

Find 26 unfamiliar words, one for each letter of the alphabet. (Words: 26/26)

Then use them in a post a day for 26 days.

I did skip a day by accident (I forgot) but I used all 26 words, each of which I have already forgotten.  We had fun with that one, didn’t we?

Learn the names of all twelve disciples.

That was more complicated than I expected – thirteen are named, though there are only twelve.  Thaddeus/Judas may or may not be the same person.  Can’t believe I’ve been reading the Bible for 36 years and never noticed that before.  

Then came the something I’ve never done before – it’s a biggy!

Saarbrucken funny toilet 0124

Saarbrucken funny toilet 0124 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Expose myself to twenty new experiences (14/20)

I have already told you about twelve in earlier 101/1001 posts.

I also told you about number 13: I asked a stranger for a favour.  That was the whole email-an-author-to-talk-to-us-for-free thing.  Feeling pleased about that one: Stockport Writers were still raving about her at our last meeting.

14. I changed a toilet seat by myself!

How impressive am I??

I decorated the bathroom the other weekend.  Everything looked clean and fresh apart from the grotty toilet seat (never knew a bum could cause such wear and tear).  We bought a new toilet seat and it sat there and sat there and sat there, waiting for the Hub to feel well enough to change it.  Use me, it cried; Pee on me, please…well, not on me, of course, between me…through me…?

The toilet seat was obviously having some sort of existentialist crisis so I asked the Hub, If I remove the old seat and clean the loo in the parts where I normally can’t reach, do you feel well enough to put on the new one?

Urggh, he grunted from his sick bed, which I took to mean ‘Yes’.

I’ll be honest: taking off the old toilet seat was the yuckiest, grossest, most revolting job I’ve ever done; and I say that as a woman who fed prunes to her babies.  It was disgusting with a capital disgusting.  However, some rubber gloves helped, as did turning my face away so I couldn’t see what I was doing (though I had to explain to the Hub why I had unscrewed the pedestal from the floor).

Turns out it was my imagination: what I thought was +++ (fill in the blank; this is a family blog so I’m not going to be poo graphic), turned out to be rust from the old screws.  I know this because I had to snap them off when first Vaseline and then WD40 didn’t work enough to allow me to turn them.

Ahem…that’s not quite true: I did manage to turn them, but the wrong way, so I tightened the old screws.  I wasn’t strong enough to loosen them but there was nothing a good kick in the old cistern couldn’t fix.

English: Prize money check drawn on the unders...

Prize money check drawn on the underside of a toilet seat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Having removed the old seat and cleaned the rusty holes, I had to see how the new seat would look.  It looked really easy to attach, so I tried attaching it.  And succeeded!  

Okay, the Hub had to remove it again to adjust it so we wouldn’t trap flesh and dangly bits between the seat and base but, hey!  I replaced a toilet seat!  I’m fifty this year and I replaced a toilet seat for the first time in my life.  Am I cool or what?

It was worth doing this 101/1001 thing for that alone.  I replaced a toilet seat!

A note of caution: if you intend to visit me in the next few weeks, be advised – upon arrival, all guests will immediately be taken on a tour of my new toilet seat, which I replaced, all by myself!

 

Joke 786

18 May

A business man enters a large Las Vegas casino followed by his well-groomed hunting dog. The two make their way to a roulette table, and he sits down with his dog at his side. As the next game begins, the man’s dog tosses a mouthful of $1000 chips onto the table. Remarkably, the numbers each chip fall on pay off. The dog jumps up on the table, gathers up their winnings and heads off to another table, as the man follows. 

As before, the dog tosses a mouthful of chips onto the table for betting, and once again the couple walk away winners. To yet another table they head. This time the man’s dog dumps all of their winnings on one hand of Blackjack. Remarkably, the dealer presents an ace and king to the man. A bit shocked, the dealer presents the man with his winnings.  Not missing a beat, the dog hurls its massive body onto the game table, grabs all of their chips in its mouth and jumps back down to the man’s side. 

Tired from all of the gambling, they find a bar to sit down at. The man asks for a pint of ale for his dog and a club soda for himself. Puzzled by the man’s request, and the large pile of chips at the dog’s side, the bartender asks what type of dog does this very wealthy man have? Patting his canine companion on the head, he smiles and says, “An Irish Better…what else?”

 

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