I’ve got a golden ticket

Here’s my blogging friend, Kate Shrewsday. She writes fascinating articles linking weird stuff like toilets and ice cream (she may not have done that one, but it’s the kind of thing she would do).

She has the chance to go for a Britain-wide walk with her kids and dog but she needs your votes to do it.

Please take a moment to read the post and click the link to vote for her.

I promise NOT to eat a Malteser for every vote you cast (I’m on a diet and I need the motivation).

Thanks!

Kate Shrewsday

Let’s just, for a moment, overlook the fact that Grandpa, in that classic first make of Roald Dahl’s Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, is not the one who has won the golden ticket.

He’s happy.

In fact, the ticket winner is little Charlie. Cheer-up Charlie. Charlie, against whom the odds were stacked so high they must surely have crushed him. Charlie, who stood for honest-to-goodness integrity in the face of gluttony, avarice and greed. Whilst others got their parents and promoters to spend outrageous sums for the one thing they could not have automatically, Charlie relied on fate to bring the golden ticket to him.

But we all join Grandpa in being elated. In incredulity that finally, just perhaps, the tide of unfortunate events might be about to change.

And of course, for Grandpa, and for Charlie, life was about to alter forever.

This does not happen in real life.

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Joke 818

4 – 1878 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0

 

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance — particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.  In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0. And Golf Clubs 4.1.  Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.5 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

 

 

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: “http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.  If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.  

But remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7

Good Luck, 

Tech Support

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Thanks to Charlie at readbetweentheminds for this one.