Joke 609

22 Nov

Thanks to Siggi for sending this just after Thanksgiving last year – and Happy Thanksgiving to all of my American readers!

English: Oven roasted turkey, common fare for ...

Oven roasted turkey, common fare for Christmas and Thanksgiving celebrations. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bet you didn’t think I’d save your joke for a whole year, did you, Siggi?

I am thankful for…

all of my readers.  

What are you thankful for?

Siggi says that a large producer of turkeys in the States is Butterball.  They have a phone centre people can call for help with cooking their turkeys.  

I actually knew that, thanks to an episode of The West Wing in which it features.

*

The following are some of the funny calls they’ve had over the years.*

  • After discovering a turkey from 1969 in his dad’s freezer, an Alabama man called the Talk-Line to ask about the best way to cook the 30+ year-old bird. Although the Talk-Line staffer recommended the open roasting pan method to cook most turkeys, this time she suggested that the first step was to purchase a fresher fowl.  This same gentleman also had in his freezer the top of his wedding cake and a snowball from every snowstorm he’d experienced in Alabama.
  • A woman in her seventies, cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the first time, called for help because her mother said she was tired of cooking and it was time her daughter learned how to prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
  • A proud gentleman called to tell the staff how he wrapped his turkey in a towel and stomped on it several times, breaking the bones so it would fit in his pan.
  • Another gentleman called to tell the operator he cut his turkey in half with a chain saw and wanted to know if the oil from the chain would adversely affect the turkey.
  • A disappointed woman called wondering why her turkey had no breast meat. After a conversation with a Talk-Line operator, it became apparent that the woman’s turkey was lying on the table upside down.
  • A new bride cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the first time in a small, apartment-sized oven, wanted to make sure her turkey wouldn’t expand during cooking (as baked goods do), and thus get stuck in the oven.

    English: Saying grace before carving the turke...

    English: Saying grace before carving the turkey at Thanksgiving dinner in the home of Earle Landis in Neffsville, Pennsylvania (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • A lady from Colorado called about “how to thaw” her frozen Butterball. She proudly shared the fact that her turkey was stored in a snow bank outside.  It had snowed the night before and it then dawned on her that she didn’t have a clue which snow bank her turkey was in. At that point, the conversation was really over because she was now on a mission to go find her turkey.
  • One caller had always cut the legs off the turkey before putting it in the oven thinking that was how you had to cook a turkey. She later learned that the only reason her mom had been doing that was because their oven had been so small that that was the only way to get the bird into the oven.
  • A first-time Thanksgiving chef called the Talk-Line one Thanksgiving morning. She was proud to have thawed the turkey successfully and continued to rinse the turkey – with dish soap.  The turkey wouldn’t stop sudsing.
  • One mom called in and told how her little girl had asked if they could slow-roast the turkey for three or four days because she liked how it made the house smell. 
  • One caller was well versed at walking down the aisle, but not so versed when it came to cooking her Thanksgiving turkey. The caller explained to Carol Miller, a 20-plus year Talk-Line veteran, Thanksgiving with her first husband was a bust since she forgot to thaw the turkey. She blundered Thanksgiving with her second husband when the foil pan she was using bent and slipped out of her hands leaving the feast on the floor. She was hoping the third time would be the charm so she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line to make sure she was doing everything right.

    US Navy 061123-N-4965F-001 Capt. Taylor Skardo...

    US Navy 061123-N-4965F-001 Capt. Taylor Skardon serves Thanksgiving dinner to patrons of the Silver Dolphin Bistro galley on board Naval Station Pearl Harbor (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Some holiday chefs take extreme measures to please all guests. A caller was e-mailed a photo featuring a turkey with a “bikini look.” As she was entertaining guests from the Bahamas, she asked the Talk-Line how she could create a “tropical turkey.” Believe it or not, Talk-Line vet Mary Clingman suggested using aluminum foil as a way to make the turkey look like a sun goddess.
  • When a Talk-Line staffer asked a caller what state her turkey was in (meaning how thawed was it) the caller responded with, “Florida.”

Happy Thanksgiving!

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24 Responses to “Joke 609”

  1. Three Well Beings November 22, 2012 at 05:14 #

    These are really funny! I’ve cooked the turkey for the family for decades now, and I absolutely never feel secure! I had to take over when my mom cooked the turkey with all the giblets left inside. From then on she wouldn’t do it! Thank you for the nice thoughts as we enter into a big day. 🙂

    Like

    • Tilly Bud - The Laughing Housewife November 22, 2012 at 11:44 #

      First few times I cooked birds, I did the same thing. There should be great big letters on display on the packet for beginners and the forgetful.

      Like

      • momopolize November 22, 2012 at 20:48 #

        I think everyone must leave the giblets in the first time…I think the turkey people don’t include instructions so they can just sit back and snicker.

        I’ve seen the photo of the “tropical” turkey that looks like it is in a bikini. Have always wanted to try that…

        Like

  2. jmgoyder November 22, 2012 at 05:49 #

    So hilarious – I am rather glad we don’t have Thanksgiving here!

    Like

  3. benzeknees November 22, 2012 at 07:49 #

    I had heard of this help line before. It’s amazing what people will ask isn’t it? I was 13 years old when I cooked my first turkey with help from my mother (who was at work) on the phone.

    Like

  4. vivinfrance November 22, 2012 at 09:10 #

    These are so bizarre they have to be true. Late one Christmas Eve I found that our fresh turkey was decidedly un-fresh. Jock buried it in the garden, but it was gone next day – some animal wasn’t as fussy as we were! Fortunately in France butchers are open on Christmas morning, and I was able to buy three guinea fowl – barely adequate for 10, but there were no turkeys left in the shop.

    Like

  5. bevchen November 22, 2012 at 10:31 #

    These are funny.

    I have to cook a turkey soon (Christmas dinner for 9). I’ve done it for the last 2 years and haen’t poisoned anyone… yet!

    Like

  6. viveka November 22, 2012 at 16:11 #

    So glad that I don’t like turkey !!! It saves me a lot of problems. Happy Thanksgiving to you too.

    Like

  7. adinparadise November 22, 2012 at 20:09 #

    Thanks for the laughs, Tilly. Love the one about cutting the legs off the turkey. I bet she was blonde. 🙂

    Like

  8. Grannymar November 22, 2012 at 22:08 #

    I cooked my first turkey when I was 12 years of age. It was to feed 12 people, mammy was ill in bed, and granny had a broken right arm covered in a heavy plaster cast. BUT the story does not end there…. The turkey arrived by train from friends with a farm in the country – don’t be daft, it didn’t travel first class and sit there reading ‘Fowl friends’. It arrived in a large box complete with head, feet and all the feathers, and yes, the innards were still intact….. this is far too good for a comment…. I’ll save it for a blog post at Grannymar on Saturday!

    Like

  9. slpmartin November 23, 2012 at 04:16 #

    These made me think of Art Linkletter (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCHIM-bGiTI).

    Like

  10. Perfecting Motherhood November 26, 2012 at 08:15 #

    Very funny stories and I’ve heard and seen enough weird turkey stories, I know they’re all true!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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