Joke 787

19 May

We haven’t had any Tim Viners for a while, so here you go:

  • I went out on a date with Simile. I don’t know what I metaphor.

    An old-style Tipp-Ex bottle.

    An old-style Tipp-Ex bottle. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.
  • I used go out with an anaesthetist – she was a local girl.
  • I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper… dicing with death.
  • Albinos – you can’t say fairer than that.
  • The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.
  • So I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said: “How flexible are you?” I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
  • When I left home, my mum said: “Don’t forget to write.” I thought: “That’s unlikely – it’s a basic skill, isn’t it?”
  • Velcro… what a rip-off. 
  • You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I’m wrong.
  • I’m so lazy I’ve got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.
  • I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet ‘Best Before End…’

8 Responses to “Joke 787”

  1. sheilamariegrimes May 19, 2013 at 05:15 #

    weird …weird …did I say weird ….lol


  2. slpmartin May 19, 2013 at 07:02 #

    Well I guess those will have to do as my bedtime stories…have a great Sunday!


  3. colonialist May 19, 2013 at 09:28 #

    Armageddon confused by the last one! Some good giggles.


  4. viv blake May 19, 2013 at 09:31 #

    Brilliant: the last two may be fatal.


  5. mairedubhtx May 19, 2013 at 12:41 #

    These were good!


  6. Yulia May 19, 2013 at 15:38 #

    Hahaha… It’s been so long since the last time I saw this tipp ex


  7. Grannymar May 20, 2013 at 07:54 #

    I’ve had trouble making Tuesdays…. Wednesdays and all the others recently, but thankfully I am able to catch up at least once a week.


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: