Joke 959

7 Nov
[victorian child care]

[victorian child care] (Photo credit: RHiNO NEAL)

To pre-empt the complaint that the jokes are getting older as we near the magic 1001 number, my friend Steph sent me some really old jokes – they are all Victorian, found at historytoday.com

  • Why is a dog like a tree? Because they both lose their bark once they’re dead.
  • “See here, wait, I’ve found a button in my salad.” “That’s all right, sir, it’s part of the dressing.”
  • Marriage is an institution intended to keep women out of mischief and get them into trouble.
  • Why are circus horses the slowest breed? Because they are taught horses.
  • Who is the greatest chicken-killer in Shakespeare? Macbeth, because he did murder most foul.
  • If William Penn’s aunts kept a pastry shop, what would be the prices of their pies? The pie-rates of Penn’s Aunts.
  • Why should the number 288 never be mentioned in company? Because it is two gross.
  • Doesn’t it make you dizzy to waltz? Yes, but one must get used to it, you know. It’s the way of the whirled.
  • WIFE: “You loved me before we were married!”  HUSBAND: “Well, now it’s your turn!”
  • Pawnbrokers prefer customers without any redeeming qualities.
  • Moving in unfashionable circles: wearing a crinoline.
  • Why is a manuscript always called a MS.? Because that is the state in which the editor finds it.
  • If all the seas were dried up, what would Neptune say? I really haven’t got a notion.
  • A lady wrote the following letters at the bottom of her flour barrel: O I C U R M T.
  • Why is the devil riding a mouse like one and the same thing? Because it is synonymous.
  • “I have the best wife in the world,” said the long-suffering husband. “She always strikes me with the soft end of the broom.”
  • What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman? One is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander.
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11 Responses to “Joke 959”

  1. Terry November 7, 2013 at 06:18 #

    well those were interesting!

    Like

  2. katharinetrauger November 7, 2013 at 06:29 #

    Hahaha! I liked Penn’s aunt’s pies! 😉

    Like

  3. Elaine - I used to be indecisive November 7, 2013 at 08:21 #

    Murder most fowl! 😀

    Like

  4. http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com November 7, 2013 at 09:29 #

    So it’s the Victorians we have to thank for the plethora of puns in modern jokes…

    Like

  5. colonialist November 7, 2013 at 10:09 #

    The first one was the standard I expected – then many of the others were surprisingly good!

    Like

  6. Janie Jones November 7, 2013 at 13:00 #

    🙂

    Like

  7. Al November 7, 2013 at 13:27 #

    Great news! Due to recent cutbacks, the 1001 joke plan has been reduced to 959. Now you don’t need to tortu…, er,,,,,uh….regale us anymore.

    Like

  8. Grannymar November 7, 2013 at 21:07 #

    288 is definitely two gross!

    Like

  9. adinparadise November 7, 2013 at 21:40 #

    Enjoyed these, Tilly. 😀

    Like

  10. lanceleuven November 8, 2013 at 18:50 #

    That kid on the left looks like he’s having fun. 🙂

    Like

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Nicola Hulme Author

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