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It’s Time To Give Up Food

27 Sep

Two news items this week.

all but my 3rd finger from left has a growth

From The Telegraph:

A human finger found inside a fish in Idaho was traced to a man who lost four fingers in an accident months before.

A fisherman cleaning a trout found a severed finger inside and gave it to the police, who traced it, via the fingerprint, to Hans Galassi, 31, who lost it (along with the other three) while wakeboarding.

“The sheriff called me and told me he had a strange story to tell me,” Mr Galassi said […] “I was like: Let me guess, they found my fingers in a fish.”

I wonder if he sulked when only one finger was found?  It would give new meaning to the term trout pout.

Apparently, he declined the finger’s return.  

Sheriff’s Detective Sgt. Gary Johnston said the agency will keep the digit for a few weeks in case he changes his mind.

From our very own Stockport Express:

A horrified mum bit into a supermarket sandwich – and discovered she had eaten a chunk of a ‘hairy creature’ inside.

Katie Crabtree, 31, was shocked to discover what she believes was a small, dead rodent in her pre-packaged sandwich bought from Tesco at Portwood.

Euggh!  

Here’s a photograph:

Be honest: would you eat that?  Me neither; that bacon looks congealed.

I always avoid pre-packed sandwiches; I’m not keen on mayonnaise cardboard with a side serving of plastic (mouse optional).

On the subject of disgusting things in food, my family have a meal time saying:

I’ve got the hair.

My hair is so long now that, despite tying it back and covering it with a cap when I cook, some always escapes and makes its way onto a plate (oddly, never mine; it is not homing hair).  The family have got so used to it, no food is ever wasted.

If I find anything besides malt or chocolate in a Malteser, I’m going on a diet.  I’ll only eat one box a day.  Just to be safe.

UPDATE:

Accident or design?

Today’s quote when this post published:

Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers.

Isaac Asimov

Joke 553

27 Sep

 

From ajokeaday.com.

A Married Couple

A Married Couple (Photo credit: josefnovak33)

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.  The doctor gave him an exam and found nothing physically wrong with him.

“If you ever expect to cure your insomnia,” the doctor said, “you need to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.”

“I’d love to,” said the man, “but my wife refuses to sleep alone.”

***

And to redress the balance, one from jokes.net.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.  He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.  If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die: each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.  Be pleasant at all times.  For lunch make him a nutritious meal.  For dinner prepare an especially nice meal.  Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.  No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.  If you can do this for the next six months, I think your husband will completely regain his health.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”

“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.

 

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