Archive | 08:59

Name Dropper

30 Sep
Name my Peas

Name my Peas (Photo credit: doolloop)

Molly needed to go out at six-thirty this dull Sunday morning, so I found myself watching Sky News.  There was an item about a gun bar in Las Vegas, where tourists can use a shooting range.  I mention it because the owner glories in the name of Genghis Cohen.

Is that not the best name you’ve ever heard?  Surely not his own?  He must have changed it by deed poll.

He is Australian.  I don’t know why that’s relevant; it just is.

INSERT: Checking Zemanta for pictures to illustrate this post, I discovered that Genghis Cohen is not the name of the bar owner, but of the bar.  What can I tell you?  It was 06:42 when I watched it.

INSERT: Is it bizarre that I can get confused about the name but know the exact time I watched the report?

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I’ve blogged about names before so, as it is a Sunday and a special day and I am bleary-eyed because of my cross-legged dog, I have cobbled together bits from four old posts for your delectation.

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Charlie Brown once said:

Charlie Brown

Charlie Brown (Photo credit: Air Force One)

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, “Why me?” 

Then a voice answers, “Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.”

You’ve got to ask yourself why a seven-year old boy is asking ‘Why me?’  It’s a little creepy.

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I wrote the next bit in January of this year; quite a few of these couples are no longer together.  Should the Hub and I be worried?

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Bennifer was the name for J-Lo and Ben Affleck; why not Fleckz?

Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes could be Cromes instead of Tomkat.

Zac Efron and Vaness Hudgens are nicknamed ZanessaFudge would be much more fun.

Brad and Ange are Brangelina; can you think of a better one?

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom have become Kerrbloom.  I prefer Bloke.

John Mayer got the nickname Johnifer after he dated Jennifer Aniston.  Was she Bran when she was married to Mr Pitt?

Reese and Jake are known as Gyllenspoon.  How about Reek?

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman are Kurban.  I like Kidur.

I’m Tilly Bud, married to the Hub.

We should be known as Thud; or A Tilly The Hub.

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NEAT

NEAT (Photo credit: LEVEL !)

My given name is Linda.  Let’s see who skim reads.  It was given to me forty-nine years ago today.   My Mum’s friend had already taken Mum’s first choice of Amanda for her daughter, born a couple of months before me.  I never met that friend…

My name may once have been a diminutive of Belinda, just as I am a diminutive of a regular-sized person.

In Spanish it means pretty.

Before my head swells like a cobra’s, in German it means snake.  Also soft, tender, weak.  The Germans don’t miss a trick.

The Italians say I’m neat.  Thanks, Italy; I think you’re pretty neat, too.

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I have told the next (true) story so many times, I’m sure you all know it; but today I get to do what I like, so here it is again:

When I was a teenager I was friends with a couple called Colin Healing and Faith Willis; they were fairly serious until he asked her to marry him. 

She turned him down because she refused to become Mrs Faith Healing.  

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The name of the Hub’s orthopaedic surgeon when he had his bike accident was Ponky Firer.  Thinking about it, his name probably still is Ponky Firer.  

Yes, it is: I just Googled him.  It’s thanks to him that the Hub has a working wrist; he inserted a metal plate and six screws and, so long as the Hub doesn’t get too close to any strong magnets, he’s fine (if he ignores the arthritis which comes with age and battered bodies.  Ah, age; don’t get me started).

Funny Greek sign at Food store.

Funny Greek sign at Food store. (Photo credit: SpirosK photography)

Do you have a name story?  Drop it in the comment box.  

Have a great day!  I’m going to.

Joke 556

30 Sep

 

Thanks to Charlie at Read Between The Minds for this one.  And to Australians, for their great sense of humour.

These were posted on an Australian tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia?  I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

Location map of Australia Equirectangular proj...

Location map of Australia Equirectangular projection, N/S stretching 110 %. Geographic limits of the map: N: 9.0° S S: 44.5° S W: 111.5° E E: 155.0° E (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia?  Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? ( USA)

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not…Oh forget it.  Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.  Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees.  Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)

A: Why?  Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…Oh forget it.  Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.  Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.  Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.  All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so-called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.  You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.  Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

 

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