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8 Sep

This is my

two thousandth post!

Who knew there was that much daftness in the world?

Happy milestone to me!

According to ahajokes, these are some of the signs that we live in the 2000s:

  • Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes.  That way if they get angry they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
  • Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
  • I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
  • For every action there is an equal and opposite government programme.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
  • Eat well – stay fit – die anyway.
  • Men are from earth.  Women are from earth.  Deal with it.
  • No husband has ever been shot while washing the dishes.
  • Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
  • There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
  • Experience is a wonderful thing.  It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
  • Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  • Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
  • I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.
  • Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

For more Six Word Saturdays, go here.

Joke 534

8 Sep

 

Teacher

Teacher (Photo credit: tim ellis)

From jokesabout.

It was the end of the school year and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Some flowers.”

“That’s right,” the boy said, “but how did you know?”

“Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter.

The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.”

“That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl.

“Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.

“Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

“Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”

With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!”

 

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