So Many Jokes, So Little Class

I made the mistake last night of wearing winter pyjamas in autumn.  On top of which, the Hub tells me, I flat refused – in my sleep – to share the bedspread. Rolled up in layers, it was inevitable that I would have bad dreams; I always have bad dreams when I’m too hot.

 

I am grumpy this morning because I haven’t had enough sleep because the bad dreams woke me up; and I’m not in the mood to write.  Instead, I present you with a cobbling of two posts from September 2010.

Enjoy.

If you want to stay out of my bad books.

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I spotted this job today, from The Arts Council:

Wanted: Executive Ass.

‘Executive Ass’ as in ‘Executive Assistant’.

An ass is also a bottom.

The picture above is of Bottom in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.  Bottom (one of the earliest transformers in literature) became an ass.  Bottom was a bit of an idiot.

Executives are often idiots, therefore the Arts Council ad could read:

Wanted: Idiot’s Idiot.

A synonym for executive is brass; the ad could also read:

Wanted: Brass Ass.

Some other synonyms, courtesy of thesaurus.com:

• Chief Ass
• Controlling Ass
• Head Ass
• General Ass
• President Ass
• Upstairs Ass
• Bureaucratic Ass
• Official Ass
• Presiding Ass
• Ruling Ass
• Supervising Ass

I’m just having fun, but it is entirely possible that at some point these were all genuine jobs advertised in The Guardian.

From Wikipedia:

Ass may refer to:

• DonkeyAmerican English informal term for buttocks
  • Asinus subgenus
  • From the above, slang for “stupid person”
• Arse Old English word for buttocks, from which the American English ‘ass’ is derived. Arse is nowadays used as an informal term for buttocks in British English

According to Wikipedia, a male donkey is known as a jack.  All donkeys are hard-working.  Hence, when Abigail Bartlet calls Jed a ‘jack ass’ in The West Wing (more than once, I might add), she is not really insulting the greatest fictional American president who never lived, but reminding him of how industrious he is.

A female is known as a jenny and her gestation period is twelve months.  She’s a ninny because it’s longer than for a bunny or a nanny goat though she’s canny because expectant mummies tend to be bonny (despite often needing the dunny) and without even a whinny she will regain her figure because vegans tend to be skinny and I’m stopping now because this is no longer funny.

Hee haw.

 

Joke 547

Noah’s ark & friends (Photo credit: weennee)

From Will & Guy.

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A little boy liked nothing better than to sit on his grandfather’s knee and have stories read to him. One day, after a story about Noah’s ark and how Noah led pairs of animals to the safety of the ark, the little boy asked, “Granddad, you are very old; were you in Noah’s ark?”

“Gosh, no”, said Granddad.  

“In that case, why didn’t you drown when the flood came?”