So Many Jokes, So Little Class

21 Sep

I made the mistake last night of wearing winter pyjamas in autumn.  On top of which, the Hub tells me, I flat refused – in my sleep – to share the bedspread. Rolled up in layers, it was inevitable that I would have bad dreams; I always have bad dreams when I’m too hot.

 

I am grumpy this morning because I haven’t had enough sleep because the bad dreams woke me up; and I’m not in the mood to write.  Instead, I present you with a cobbling of two posts from September 2010.

Enjoy.

If you want to stay out of my bad books.

*

*

I spotted this job today, from The Arts Council:

Wanted: Executive Ass.

‘Executive Ass’ as in ‘Executive Assistant’.

An ass is also a bottom.

The picture above is of Bottom in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.  Bottom (one of the earliest transformers in literature) became an ass.  Bottom was a bit of an idiot.

Executives are often idiots, therefore the Arts Council ad could read:

Wanted: Idiot’s Idiot.

A synonym for executive is brass; the ad could also read:

Wanted: Brass Ass.

Some other synonyms, courtesy of thesaurus.com:

  • Chief Ass
  • Controlling Ass
  • Head Ass
  • General Ass
  • President Ass
  • Upstairs Ass
  • Bureaucratic Ass
  • Official Ass
  • Presiding Ass
  • Ruling Ass
  • Supervising Ass

I’m just having fun, but it is entirely possible that at some point these were all genuine jobs advertised in The Guardian.

From Wikipedia:

Ass may refer to:

  • DonkeyAmerican English informal term for buttocks
    • Asinus subgenus
    • From the above, slang forstupid person”
  • Arse Old English word for buttocks, from which the American English ‘ass’ is derived. Arse is nowadays used as an informal term for buttocks in British English

According to Wikipedia, a male donkey is known as a jack.  All donkeys are hard-working.  Hence, when Abigail Bartlet calls Jed a ‘jack ass’ in The West Wing (more than once, I might add), she is not really insulting the greatest fictional American president who never lived, but reminding him of how industrious he is.

A female is known as a jenny and her gestation period is twelve months.  She’s a ninny because it’s longer than for a bunny or a nanny goat though she’s canny because expectant mummies tend to be bonny (despite often needing the dunny) and without even a whinny she will regain her figure because vegans tend to be skinny and I’m stopping now because this is no longer funny.

Hee haw.

 

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20 Responses to “So Many Jokes, So Little Class”

  1. misswhiplashmisswhiplash September 21, 2012 at 10:47 #

    I couldn’t sleep either last night as it was on my mind about having the pups put to sleep..but never mind there is another night tonight maybe that will be better… don’t be grumpy..it does not suit your image

    Like

  2. adinparadise September 21, 2012 at 10:53 #

    Have a kick-ass weekend, Tilly. 🙂

    Like

  3. Elaine - I used to be indecisive September 21, 2012 at 11:49 #

    The picture of the boy’s face when the horse/donkey’s face comes through the window is priceless. I think the lad was ass-tonished!

    Like

  4. vivinfrance September 21, 2012 at 12:01 #

    WHAT ARE YOU ON?

    Like

  5. bluebee September 21, 2012 at 12:45 #

    Eish, nightdonkeys, indeed! Try sleeping in the nude – your badass dreams can only improve.

    Like

  6. idiosyncratic eye September 21, 2012 at 13:08 #

    Too little sleep can have bad effects. 😉

    Like

  7. katharinetrauger September 21, 2012 at 14:28 #

    I cracked up. No pun intended.

    Like

  8. laurieanichols September 21, 2012 at 14:37 #

    I hope that you sleep better this night and the reflection on asses was very funny. 12 months gestation period for an ass who knew?

    Like

  9. SchmidleysScribbling September 21, 2012 at 14:45 #

    ASS a three-letter word that got me a repremand once. I was told my return memo to the Big Big Boss about how I thought the acronym ASS was perfectly Ok for use on the American Social Survey (now defunded by Republicans). There are some folks here in the US who think the word ASS should be struck from the Bible. Does that mean the ASS is banned from the Bible. What would Noah think? He stowed two of them on his big boat. My old boss used to say, “Assh88es, everywhere I look Assh**es.” Ah life in the colonies…..

    Like

  10. SchmidleysScribbling September 21, 2012 at 14:51 #

    The sentence above should read… “I was told by my boss, that a memo I sent to my big big boss, in which I said, ‘The acronym ASS is perfectly suitable for use when describing the American Social Survey was outrageous. This was the government, mind you and more than one ASS could be found in the agency.

    Like

  11. countingducks September 21, 2012 at 15:13 #

    Hope you sleep better tonight. That picture of the Ass peering in on the girl in the car nearly made me spill my coffee

    Like

  12. Helen Cherry September 21, 2012 at 15:16 #

    You were definitely off on one there !

    Like

  13. Gobetween September 21, 2012 at 18:10 #

    Grumpy pants have some Maltesers.

    Like

  14. Pseu September 21, 2012 at 18:34 #

    Take a cold water bottle to bed tonight? And a cold flannel for your fevered brow?

    Like

  15. viveka September 21, 2012 at 19:10 #

    I know a lot of asses … too – but not worth bringing up in blog – they don’t know they’re .. and I don’t what to make an ass of myself neither. This is … an ass of a post. Brilliant.

    Like

  16. Tinman September 21, 2012 at 21:50 #

    Ok, I enjoyed it, not just because I’m afraid not to.

    It’s a kick-ass post

    Like

  17. judithatwood September 22, 2012 at 00:56 #

    Uhhhhhhhhhhh

    Like

  18. Tom (Aquatom1968) September 22, 2012 at 09:53 #

    Funny Tilly!

    Like

  19. kerenbaker September 23, 2012 at 08:50 #

    Hee Hee! Love your wordy-ness. Please don’t stop! Found you via Janet (I got a fancy button too!). I am at one with you over the ‘notsleepingwellthroughwearingtoomanylayers’ except my disturbed night was due to so mental idiocy in my part that thought wearing my coat to bed might be a good idea. Nope. Now I’m a little cranky too!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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